Lay it down... (it's all about forgiveness)

I've been surrounded by the topic of forgiveness lately.  It seems like everywhere I turn God is opening up a door for me to hear about it, talk about it, or write about it.  I have to admit, I’m a little concerned. Past experience tells me to run and hide.  There’s a storm a comin’.  Yeah.  Sometimes when God starts pointing certain things out to me, it’s because He’s preparing me for the onslaught. Sometimes it’s simply that He wants me to share with others, plant a seed, or help relieve their hearts in some way.  And with that thought in mind, I share a little about my own journey with forgiveness.

You see, I have been through more in my life than most people are aware of.  I may not come across as such, but in many ways, I'm a very private person.  Yes, I'm outgoing and often the life of the party. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but that doesn't mean I share the innermost secrets of that heart with just anyone.  In fact, for many years, I struggled with what had happened to my life, my marriage, my faith. I wasn't one of those people that you could see the signs of my struggle, though.  No, I was the clever one – the one who put on a brilliant smile for the world but then cried herself to sleep at night.  And after a certain amount of time, some days I really wasn't even sure why I was crying.

It was obvious why when I saw families together.  When I glanced at the innocent smile of a baby.  Watched soon-to-be parents together.  Played with my own children.  I was ashamed.  Deep down, I knew that I had failed my family, my children, myself and God.  In so many ways.  I felt guilty, weighed down by my past.  Haunted by choices I'd made.

And here’s the part that didn't make sense.  I knew God had forgiven me. But I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive myself.

I don't know how it is that we often can't forgive ourselves for our sins, failures, and shortcomings.  I’m sure there are a thousand reasons why.  Maybe because of how we were raised, maybe we don't grasp the true concept of repentance and grace.  Or maybe we are just human and struggle to forgive easily.  But as Christians, we have to learn to walk the walk and live a life of forgiveness. We have to willingly forgive anyone who sins against us.  Including ourselves. And that’s often the hardest person to forgive.  The one staring back at you every morning in the mirror.

It’s funny how it’s easier to forgive someone else.

My moment of truth came when God smacked me in the head with the truth.  Okay, it was a figurative smack. But it really got my attention.  While praying, once again asking forgiveness, the thought that came to me was crystal clear. It was almost like someone had verbally asked me: “Do you think you are better than God?”

It hit me hard. Of course I didn't think I was better than God.  What a ridiculous notion.  But the thought continued, “If God considers the death and bloodshed of Jesus enough to forgive you, then what gives you the right to say it isn’t enough?  By not forgiving yourself when you know God has forgiven you, you're being awfully arrogant about how much better you think your decision is when God said His way is sufficient.”

I won't lie.  That kinda hurt.  Really hit me in the gut.

As much as we would like to, we can't go back and correct our mistakes.  However, we can make a decision to learn from them and start forgiving ourselves.

God wants you to be free from guilt, free from depression, free from the past.  Scripture says, “old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new...” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

It doesn't matter what you've done. Big.  Small.  No matter what your story is: rape, murder, theft, lying, cheating, adultery, addictions, etc; when you repented and asked for forgiveness the first time, God forgave you.  You can know that even before the foundations of the world were laid, He knew what your mistakes and downfalls would be – your sins, weaknesses, addictions – they all were nailed to that cross with Him 2,000 years ago.  He did it all so that we could know forgiveness.

And forgiveness puts it all in a new perspective. Yes, it still happened. But God detaches it from us, sends it as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). We are no longer covered in guilt; we are covered in mercy, spared from the punishment that was ours to take.

Maybe you are still carrying around the shame. Maybe you've been trying to forgive yourself, but the realization that you can't undo the past keeps eating at you. You've said you're sorry. You've changed. But the guilt, the burden, remains.

Once you repent, God doesn’t hold it against you or bring it up when you make mistakes. No. God forgives completely. There might be times when you don't feel like you're forgiven, and you struggle to forgive yourself.  But don't fall into that trap. Feelings can be deceiving. 

What I've learned is this: Forgiving yourself is a decision. One you sometimes have to make over and over.  And it’s not an easy one.  I know…I've been there.  But, God says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).”

Take it to God and lay it down.  It's not your burden to carry any longer.

Waiting in Faith

            Some of my clearest childhood memories are of Christmas Eve.  Baking goodies with Mom, family gatherings, my little brother thinking reindeer would fall through the roof into HIS bed while mine would be perfectly safe (right up until he was 11 years old), and who could forget the presents?  Each year they mysteriously appeared under our tree on Christmas Eve, seldom a day sooner.  You see my Mother is somewhat of a procrastinator in this area (sorry Mom), yet the gifts were always wrapped just in time for my day of torture.  That’s right, torture.   Boxes of green and red torture bound together with yards of beautiful, shiny, torturous ribbon. 

 

            Being a curious child I would immediately beg (and beg and beg) to open just one present.  Just one.  Naturally, my Mother would somehow manage to ignore my whiny requests until she finally looked me square in the eye and said “You’re just going to have to wait.”  

 

            Wait?  Wait!?!  What is that?  That word was so not in my vocabulary as a child.  Ok…so it’s still somewhat buried in the cobweb covered recesses of my adult dictionary as well.

 

            Today, I find that Jesus is much like my Mother on Christmas Eve and I am still much like that impatient child.  When I want something I want it yesterday.  I don’t want to acknowledge that I have the word ‘wait’ even hidden in my vocabulary, much less use it!   I often find myself trying to fix my problems only to have Jesus stop me dead in my tracks, look me square in the eye and say “You’re just going to have to wait.” 

           

I’ve learned many hard lessons by not waiting on God’s timing, as I know I should.  Because of this stubborn little streak I have, I didn’t receive the blessings I would have if I had only been strong enough in my faith to wait.  We have to be willing to be patient and look for God’s answers in many different ways in order to draw closer to Him.  Often we find ourselves at the end of our own efforts until we have no choice except to depend on Him.  Waiting involves trust in God. 

 

Webster’s dictionary defines trust as “placing confidence in something without fear or misgiving.”  Wait without fear?  That’s a tough pill to swallow in the midst of trials, but often the greatest growth we experience in our relationship with God stems from trials we face.  As tough as the trials are, the rewards are beyond measure.  When we act on our beliefs and humble ourselves before God, we find strength to wait.  When praying, don’t ask for patience, be faithful and ask for strength to wait on God.  Psalm 27:14 tells us “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart...”

 

            God has compassion for our pain because He loves us so dearly.  He will handle our situations and bless us in the process, but only if we have the strength to leave them with Him in faith and, yes, wait.  It’s not a question of will God take care of our problems, it’s a question of will we let Him?

I was....Wrong

I was wrong.  Deep down I knew I was wrong...but I did it anyway.  And this wasn’t the first time...I’ve done it before. 

Justifications swirled around in my mind, muffling the little voice that was trying to remind me to do the right thing.  Man, those self-righteous justifications sure are loud...aren’t they? 

Have you ever wondered why the voice of reason - the voice of truth - never seems as loud as those arrogant, sanctimonious voices that often drown it out?  Have you ever wondered where that subtle voice comes from and why it doesn’t just shout at you:

“Hey...dummy...yeah, you... STOP THAT!” 

Why does that voice speak so quietly when so many other voices are barking loudly around you?  I have asked that question - many times.  Always after the fact, I hate to say.  The catch is, if I listen to the right voice I don’t have to ask myself that question afterwards.  Yet somehow I find myself asking it time and again.

Have you ever done something that you were pretty sure was wrong, but you justified your actions to yourself?  Hard to drown your own voice out, right?  I know you have.  We all have.  It goes with the territory of being human.  We make mistakes.  Sometimes big ones.  Sometimes we do things that we feel like God couldn’t possibly forgive us for.  But He will, He does, He has.  If we have truly gone before God in prayer and confessed our sins, asked Him to forgive them truly from the heart, then we are fully forgiven....no questions asked!!! 

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Don’t you wish it were that easy with people?

I know from personal experience that sometimes it doesn’t seem so simple to us.  We wrestle with those voices in our head that say God couldn’t possibly forgive us for something so horrible.  Those voices are liars!  Those voices are Satan-sent and want nothing more than to see you suffer and not TRUST GOD.  It’s at this point that I personally would like to say:

“Hey...dummy...yeah, you... STOP THAT!”   

(ok...I really don’t think you’re a dummy...just trying to make a point)

No matter what you have done, no matter how horrid you think it is, no matter how repulsive it truly is...God has already forgiven it if you’ve already sincerely asked.  What you are dealing with now is guilt.  Guilt is a powerful weapon in Satan’s arsenal.  I should know...I’ve been attacked with it over and over.  But God’s forgiveness trumps any weapon Satan has - every time.  You only need to have faith in God’s forgiveness.

If you aren’t sure how to come humbly, yet boldly before God to ask for His forgiving grace...keep reading.  As always, He has already given us the instructions.

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

God wants us to approach His throne with boldness...boldness He bestowed in us when we became His children.

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Guilt is nothing more than heavy chains Satan wants to keep draping around your neck as he pushes you closer and closer to the edge, hoping to push you over and watch you drown as they anchor you beneath the dark waters.  Matthew 11:28 tells us that God doesn’t want us to carry that weight around.  He wants our burden to be light.  He wants us to give that burden to Him.  Hand over the chains...they don’t belong to you anymore.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)

Jesus has already shouldered the sin, He has already paid the price of forgiveness, He has already bore your guilt as His own...He has done all of this through the blood that He shed for all of us on Calvary.

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.” (Ephesians 1:7)

We still have to make amends for our wrongs, we will still have to face the consequences of whatever our actions bring, but that doesn’t mean God will never bless us again.  It does mean we are forgiven and we can go on knowing that by His blood, we are forgiven, we are healed of our transgressions, we are new in the eyes of Christ, all of our sins are passed away and our slate is wiped clean.  

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

“He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:13-14)

What's so good about Good Friday?

Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense. Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me. For I know my offense; my sin is always before me. Psalm 51:3-5 

Happy Good Friday!!!  Who’s hiding Easter eggs this weekend?  I thought about it...but since my kids are “too old” for that, I’m not really sure if my memory is bad enough yet to forget where I put them and try to find them myself.  Oh well.

I admit though...I’m pretty excited about Easter.  It’s not about getting to go dress shopping (though I did find this awesome cobalt blue number on sale), it’s not about the Easter baskets overflowing with scrumptious chocolate candies or Easter egg hunts...no.  It’s about Jesus - the man who gave His life so I could get excited about all these things and so much more.

He gave His LIFE!!!  Not just a few weekends here and there.  Not a week in a remote village to help build a few houses.  His LIFE!!!

And He didn’t want to.  Nope.  The Bible tells us that He agonized over it, He knew the pain He was about to suffer through.  He even prayed that God would find another way.  Does that sound familiar?  We do it every time we are faced with difficulty. 

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42

He bore the weight of ALL sin...past, present and future.  How excruciating that must have been.

I used to struggle with the idea that we call the day Jesus was crucified GOOD Friday.  I mean...how is it good that we literally murdered Jesus?  By we I mean every one of us.  Think about it, had you and I been alive on that day, would we have tried to stop it?  Doubtful.  Even Peter denied Him three times.  Let’s face it...we did it. 

We conspired against Jesus.

We drug Jesus into that court.

We beat Jesus.

We called Him names.

We nailed Jesus to a cross.

We treated Him as though He was evil!

We killed Jesus.

He didn’t want to die like that..but He did.  God didn’t want Him to die like that...but He allowed it.  For us.  Jesus obediently walked those streets, felt the nails pierce His skin, and died on that cross...for us.

Looking at if from that perspective...how can we call this day good?  Really?  I can see Dark Friday.  Black Friday (I’d say this is more important and would trump the biggest shopping day of the year). Maybe Sin Friday or Execution Friday.  I think the German’s have a better grasp of the concept with Karfreitag, which means “Suffering Friday.” 

Such pain and despair.  But that’s how much God loves us.  That’s how much He loves YOU.  He sacrificed his own Son in our place, because everyone of us deserved to hang on that cross.  But now we have eternal life if we believe and claim Jesus as our Savior. 

THAT is why this is called Good Friday. 

He didn’t stop there, though.  Three days later...He walked away from the cold grip of death and left the tomb empty.  What a beautiful day.  Easter Day!!

So color those eggs, eat that chocolate and remember why today is such a good day!!

May God’s blessings fall on each of you this Easter.