Lay it down... (it's all about forgiveness)

I've been surrounded by the topic of forgiveness lately.  It seems like everywhere I turn God is opening up a door for me to hear about it, talk about it, or write about it.  I have to admit, I’m a little concerned. Past experience tells me to run and hide.  There’s a storm a comin’.  Yeah.  Sometimes when God starts pointing certain things out to me, it’s because He’s preparing me for the onslaught. Sometimes it’s simply that He wants me to share with others, plant a seed, or help relieve their hearts in some way.  And with that thought in mind, I share a little about my own journey with forgiveness.

You see, I have been through more in my life than most people are aware of.  I may not come across as such, but in many ways, I'm a very private person.  Yes, I'm outgoing and often the life of the party. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but that doesn't mean I share the innermost secrets of that heart with just anyone.  In fact, for many years, I struggled with what had happened to my life, my marriage, my faith. I wasn't one of those people that you could see the signs of my struggle, though.  No, I was the clever one – the one who put on a brilliant smile for the world but then cried herself to sleep at night.  And after a certain amount of time, some days I really wasn't even sure why I was crying.

It was obvious why when I saw families together.  When I glanced at the innocent smile of a baby.  Watched soon-to-be parents together.  Played with my own children.  I was ashamed.  Deep down, I knew that I had failed my family, my children, myself and God.  In so many ways.  I felt guilty, weighed down by my past.  Haunted by choices I'd made.

And here’s the part that didn't make sense.  I knew God had forgiven me. But I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive myself.

I don't know how it is that we often can't forgive ourselves for our sins, failures, and shortcomings.  I’m sure there are a thousand reasons why.  Maybe because of how we were raised, maybe we don't grasp the true concept of repentance and grace.  Or maybe we are just human and struggle to forgive easily.  But as Christians, we have to learn to walk the walk and live a life of forgiveness. We have to willingly forgive anyone who sins against us.  Including ourselves. And that’s often the hardest person to forgive.  The one staring back at you every morning in the mirror.

It’s funny how it’s easier to forgive someone else.

My moment of truth came when God smacked me in the head with the truth.  Okay, it was a figurative smack. But it really got my attention.  While praying, once again asking forgiveness, the thought that came to me was crystal clear. It was almost like someone had verbally asked me: “Do you think you are better than God?”

It hit me hard. Of course I didn't think I was better than God.  What a ridiculous notion.  But the thought continued, “If God considers the death and bloodshed of Jesus enough to forgive you, then what gives you the right to say it isn’t enough?  By not forgiving yourself when you know God has forgiven you, you're being awfully arrogant about how much better you think your decision is when God said His way is sufficient.”

I won't lie.  That kinda hurt.  Really hit me in the gut.

As much as we would like to, we can't go back and correct our mistakes.  However, we can make a decision to learn from them and start forgiving ourselves.

God wants you to be free from guilt, free from depression, free from the past.  Scripture says, “old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new...” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

It doesn't matter what you've done. Big.  Small.  No matter what your story is: rape, murder, theft, lying, cheating, adultery, addictions, etc; when you repented and asked for forgiveness the first time, God forgave you.  You can know that even before the foundations of the world were laid, He knew what your mistakes and downfalls would be – your sins, weaknesses, addictions – they all were nailed to that cross with Him 2,000 years ago.  He did it all so that we could know forgiveness.

And forgiveness puts it all in a new perspective. Yes, it still happened. But God detaches it from us, sends it as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). We are no longer covered in guilt; we are covered in mercy, spared from the punishment that was ours to take.

Maybe you are still carrying around the shame. Maybe you've been trying to forgive yourself, but the realization that you can't undo the past keeps eating at you. You've said you're sorry. You've changed. But the guilt, the burden, remains.

Once you repent, God doesn’t hold it against you or bring it up when you make mistakes. No. God forgives completely. There might be times when you don't feel like you're forgiven, and you struggle to forgive yourself.  But don't fall into that trap. Feelings can be deceiving. 

What I've learned is this: Forgiving yourself is a decision. One you sometimes have to make over and over.  And it’s not an easy one.  I know…I've been there.  But, God says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).”

Take it to God and lay it down.  It's not your burden to carry any longer.

Ready or Not...

I held my breath as I heard the footsteps slowly creek across the floor just beyond the only thing separating me from my hunter. Part of me wanted to close my eyes, thinking if I couldn't see what might happen next, it wouldn't happen. Part of me wanted to peer through the crack of the closet door in order to be prepared if my fate was to be found.

I did neither. 

I was afraid to move. Afraid I would give myself away. Even the slightest squeak of the floor beneath me might mean my doom. When the footsteps seemed to have moved on, I made a mental note of which direction they had gone. I carefully reached out and turned the door knob as I mentally played over my escape route to safety. Slowly, I pushed the door open and stepped into the hallway, only to be met by a shadowed figure waiting for me. He didn't hesitate to move quickly.

“Tag. You're it.” 

I thought I had been so careful. I thought I had covered my bases. But he was clever. He knew what he was after and what it would take to get his target and he was biding his time, waiting for his window of opportunity. And he found it. 

Being a Christian these days is much the same way. We think we are being careful. We think we are doing the right things. We think we are protecting ourselves from all that Satan and the world can throw at us just by living right and being a good person, but most of us aren't even aware of what is biding time around the corner...waiting in the shadows for the perfect time to attack.

And when Satan attacks, being a good person isn't going to be enough to fight back. We have to be prepared for battle. And the best way to defeat your enemy, is to never underestimate them and know what they are capable of. The only way to do that is through knowledge.

You've heard the saying time and time again...knowledge is power. Well, it’s time to up the voltage. Proverbs 24:5 tells us, "The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength."

When you are feeling weak. When you feel like you can't withstand another attack...God is there. There is no greater knowledge than what you can find in the pages of His Word. And in His knowledge, there is power to face any obstacle the world can bring against you. Anything.

Do you see anything?

I'm a writer.  

I write poetry, song lyrics, grocery lists, devotionals, to do lists…you name it.  But my passion is writing fiction.  And I admit, it’s a God-given gift.  I can't fathom how I would be able to write 36,000 words in six days if God wasn't the one pushing me along.  I'm not that disciplined on my own, I assure you!

And for years – most of my life really – I had felt led to use my talents in some way.  I just never really knew what way that was until I was in my thirties.  Even when I first felt like I knew, it was still hazy at best.  But I knew God expected me to use the gift He had given me. Somehow.

God has given us all gifts. We often don't recognize them for what they are or understand what God wants us to do with them…and we wonder why.  We question what the plan is and roam aimlessly in the dark.  But we don't have to feel so clueless.  God tells us how to know.

In Mark 8:23-25 we are told about the blind man who was given sight.  Jesus placed His hands on the eyes of the blind man and asked "Do you see anything?"  The man looked up and said, "I see men, for I see them like trees, walking around."  And once more Jesus “laid His hands on his eyes; and he looked intently and was restored, and began to see everything clearly.”

After the first touch, the man did what was natural, instinctive…he looked up and toward the source of the light.  But his vision wasn't yet clear.  He was still partially blind, saw men as if they were shadowy and much larger than they really were.  And so, Jesus touched him again.  When he did, his perceptions were cleared, his limitations were removed, and he was able to view the world as God intended him to view it.

I can't help but think that we are just like that blind man.  We stumble around, unable to see life the way God intends for us to see it. 

What do you think would have happened to the blind man if he hadn't let Jesus touch him the second time? Would he have been able to see enough to maneuver around?  Of course, but his vision was murky.  He could have managed, but he'd have never seen the true beauty of the world God had waiting for him. 

That’s us.  We are blind to what God can accomplish through us because we don't have the ability to see it on our own.  It’s only through God’s touch on our lives that the world He intends for us is clearly revealed.  Remember the two disciples walking down Emmaus Road?  It was only after they had walked with Jesus for seven miles and He explained the scriptures to them that “their eyes were opened.” (Luke 24:31)

We have to walk our seven miles.  If we don’t read God’s word, we aren't allowing God to reveal the world as He wants us to see it.  Our world – the one intended just for us individually.  He shows us what He needs us to see if we are willing to let Him open our eyes.

You might feel like God has been tugging on your heart and whispering to your soul about the way He wants you to use your gifts.  You might feel like it’s murky and clouded.  And it probably is.  But there is a way to clear the path you are meant to take.  Get into God’s word.  We tend to lead busy lives, but we have to make a way to hear God.  Maybe you aren't much of a reader, and that’s okay. Listen to it while you're driving in your car or while you're at the gym.  It doesn't matter where you are, just listen.  You aren't going to hear what God is trying to tell you, you aren't going to see what God wants you to see, if you don’t give Him the chance to show you.

Are you waiting?

Too many times in life we find ourselves wanting something we don't have.  Yearning for more.  

When all we really need is to believe.  Believe that God has a plan.

Are You Waiting

Is your heart wide open?

Are you waiting to believe?

Can you hear the answers

that your eyes will never see?

Has your faith been tested

beyond limits of deceit?

Are you ready for the truth?

Are you waiting to believe?

Have your doubts and questions

left you searching for a cure

to end the pain and suffering

that your heart and soul endure?

Has this world of trouble

sent you running for reprieve?

Is your heart wide open

are you waiting to believe?

Hope Restored

It happens to every one of us.  Daily.  We get discouraged.  We lose site of hope.  But God is always there, holding hope in His hands, just waiting for us to look in His direction so we can see it.

Hope Restored

Often life seems to be filled

with nothing more than distant dreams.

We stagger through barren lands

with shattered hearts and misplaced regrets,

certain that there is no road that will lead

beyond the shadows.

It is this certainty that leads us astray.

For hope is waiting in the wings,

biding time,

anxious for the chance to restore faith,

anticipating the moment.

And when we need it most

a strand of light will sneak through the shadows

and come to rest in the darkness of our path.

illuminating the way,

giving life to the dreams,

casting away the shadows,

making us believe anything is possible.

Because it is.

What NOT to do...

Have you ever had a friend going through a crisis? Something so heart wrenching that you didn't really know what to say or do for them? Yeah, I'd bet we've all been there at some point. If not, you likely will be sometime and when you are, I guarantee you could really use some pointers on how to handle those situations. 

Unfortunately, I don't have any straightforward ‘do this’ or ‘do that’ answers. But, I do have some insight into what NOT to do. As much as I hate to admit it, these “what not to do” moments of clarity were born from personal experiences.  Of course they can also be found abundantly in the Book of Job. Because, let’s face it, things haven't really changed as much as we'd like to think in a few thousand years.

Ok, here’s the scenario (you can read along in Chapters 1 and 2 if you'd like). Job lost everything: livestock, family, health (that isn't necessarily in order of importance). Except his life.

And Job has these friends, right? These “friends” decide they are going to give him some advice, try to cheer him up, you know…a little friendly intervention. I’m sure that, in their minds, Job’s friends had good intentions and all, but boy were they hitting the head of that nail a little left of center. Without a doubt, these friends had a questionable view of God and I’m not even going to mention their distinct lack of tactfulness…ok, maybe I am. They really needed a little sensitivity training. An HR department would have had a field day with these guys.

So, these friends were “cheering” him up, but it seems to me that they made a couple of mistakes in their attempt to do so. Their first mistake was one we all make at times. They assumed they could relate to Job’s situation. AS IF! I mean, really. This guy just lost EVERYTHING. Not just his home, not just a child, not just a part of his health, but ALL OF THESE THINGS. Everything! And these friends acted as if they understood. (insert dramatic eye roll here)  I’m pretty certain I wouldn't know how Job felt. I wouldn't even be able to begin to imagine how it would feel to lose everything.

On top of that, they made light of his pain (Ch. 11). Seriously?!?! They tell Job that if he would just repent to God then maybe he would be vindicated. Wow. Really? So essentially, they are just telling Job that they know he had to have done something to bring this upon himself. What kind of friends were these people anyway? They may as well have just said, “Job, stop lying about the fact that you haven't done anything wrong and admit it so God will stop torturing you for being such a terrible Christian.”

I don't know about you, but if I were Job, I feel confident they wouldn't be getting Christmas cards this year.

Which brings me to the moral of the story. A phrase we've all had burned to memory: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I can't help but wonder how Job’s friends would have wanted to be treated if the roles had been reversed. I’m sure they didn't think of that.

As friends, we will never be perfect. After all, we're human. However, we can treat our friends the way we would want them to treat us in a similar situation. With love, compassion, understanding, and a strong dose of sensitivity. There will be times when we are faced with a friend who is suffering, a friend who is hurting, a friend who has lost something or someone. And maybe we can’t truly relate. Maybe we can’t know how they really feel, but we can be there for them. We can pray for them and with them. We can show them the kind of love that God shows us when we need a friend. Take a lesson from Job’s friends (a what NOT to do lesson, that is) and do for that friend what you would want a friend to do for you.

Pieces of Peace - A Poem

I was working on my latest devotional to share with you all when I came across a poem I wrote back in 2009.  I felt led to share.  May you all know and rely upon the peace we can only get from Him.

 

Pieces of Peace

©2009

 Outside the world is searching

for the calm after the storm.

So many lives are torn apart,

so many spirits worn.

Within the midst of chaos

in a world that knows no peace

He will be a harbor

to offer hearts reprieve.

Governments can crumble

and riches disappear

but the arms of God are open,

His peace is always near.

Suffering and heartache

are never hard to find

as we suffer through the fires

emerging more refined.

We shoulder heavy burdens

that we aren’t meant to bear,

when God says He will carry

what we bring to Him in prayer.